Last weekend I suckered Woogie into letting me open an account with Bodog, an overseas website with malevolent intentions (namely, gambling). Since that not so fateful day, all I want to do is eat undercooked buffalo tenders and make bets. Parlays, teasers, money lines, nothing matters but the spread. Not Mrs. Cupcake, not Señor Pups, nothing.
Through all this betting, I’ve learned a crucial hidden truth about myself – I’m psychic! Sure I lose a bet every now and again but that’s just so Bodog won’t catch on and shut down my account. I’m like Biff in “Back to the Future 2″. Desmond in “Lost”. Zoltar in “Big”. (OK, OK, Zoltar might not be considered “psychic”. He didn’t really predict the future, he just made Josh Baskin big. But think about it, in a sense, he did predict the future because he knew that Josh Baskin would grow up to look like Tom Hanks. I’ll pause while you pick up the pieces of your blown mind.)
Couple examples of my ESP: I knew that it rained last week… before it even rained! I don’t even watch the weather channel. I just knew. Another example, I was dreaming about football this morning and I had an A-HA moment. Then I woke up and guess what was playing on the radio??? “Take on me” by none other than A-friggin-HA. Impressive, yes? So anyway, I’d be happy to help you non-psycho, er, non-psychic people out. If you’re interested in the future or just want to know who wins the game tonight cut a check ($100 minimum donation) to Mister Cupcake c/o Woogie P.O. Box 0721, Las Vegas, NV 88888.
You’re welcome.
