It’s my brother’s birthday on Monday and he is turning 20! How did he get so old? I am getting him a hooker for his birthday!
March 22, 2010
A follow up tirade, courtesty of daddio
The airports are jambed with people trying to get to England or Cuba to get their health care……
You send me a report done by The Association of State Green Parties….. from 1999
Get with the times and read something that has more thought and facts to it. There is nothing more factually correct than Heritage.org. Read some of it, miss smarty pants.
http://www.heritage.org/Initiatives/Health-Care
I just wish that there was a system where you and the other lefty’s could have a country where they took all your money and everything was run by the government…. oh wait….. Cuba…. nice place… nice houses….. nice economy…….some people even have shoes. Hurry up… they still have room.
March 22, 2010
An amazing tirade, courtesy of Woogie’s father.
The following insane rambling is courtesy of my father, who appears to be very distressed by the passing of the healthcare reform bill. I hope he has insurance for the aneurysm he seems to be having!
The road to hell or the road to bankruptcy is paved with Democratic good intentions.
(just don’t ever exam the results)
The Democrats have bankrupt and ruined Medicaid
The Democrats have bankrupt and ruined Medicare
The Democrats have bankrupt and ruined Social Security.
They have ruined the black family with their war on Poverty.
And you think that the government can do a good job managing something the size of all our health care.
You can’t be that stupid.
Take a look at Cuba…… That is the type of health care we are heading for.
The left doesn’t want anyone to be self reliant….. they want you to be reliant on them…….
A 2000 page bill that none of them have read but voted on……… Why have they exempted themselves from the vary thing they say you and I are to have. And no TORT reform???? Why is that?
They (the government / IRS) will now have the ability to go into your checking account and TAKE your money to pay for premiums if you don’t pay them like they say you must.
California is totally broke and and almost bankrupt and they are run by who? Not republicans.
Hopefully we all can get 10 years of unemployment checks because there will be no jobs at all. But money will be worth nothing. It won’t be long before bread will cost $50.00 per loaf.
But then we can still blame it on Bush…….
March 16, 2010
Daddy would you like some sausages?
Sorry for the drought lately my gentle, sumptuous readers. Cupcake likes to sing this song sometimes and it really, REALLY scares me. No I do not want some sausages, Cupcake, and I am most certainly not your daddy.
February 27, 2010
Biography: Demi Lovato
So here is another semi-famous person:
And here’s her (fake) biography -
Demi LaTicia Lovato was born in 2001 to Russian immigrants who moved to America in 2000. She has 6 older sisters all named Demi. Her parents have a fascination with Demi Moore after seeing “Striptease” on Russian tv before they moved to America. Demi knew early that she wanted to be a famous floutist. Flutist? I have no idea. Anyway, she was watching the symphony on tv one night and she noticed this really shiny silver object and decided that she had to have one. Since her parents, Dimitriov and Debbie, were super poor all they could afford was a homemade pan flute, and Demi learned how to play that. Demi never got very good at the pan flute so she decided her claim to fame would have to be something much different – like child porn. She starred in two very indecent movies, “Russian Whore” and “I’m a Living Doll” before being shut down by the government. Her latest foray into fame is the role of “Bella Swan” of “Twilight” quasi-fame. She currently lives in Los Angeles with her parents, their mistress, her 6 sisters, and their cat, Demi.
***UPDATE*** More biographical information below, courtesy of our resident historian, and Demi Lovato buff, D. H. Moon.
You may remember Dimtrov as the second bass player for Russian glam metal band Gorky Park. He replaced Igor Pestronov after he fell off a galloping donkey while trying to win a bet with a roadie during the 1987 Drowned in Vodka tour. Dimtrov wrote a minor hit for the band, “Snake Love Baby,” which reached number 6 on the Estonian charts.
Demi’s attraction to the Twilight series is certainly no surprise, given the mysterious events surrounding her and writer R. L. Stine. The Enquirer famously reported that she stalked him and had a bizarre encounter with him during a birthday party thrown in his honor at a New York Applebees. The story was retracted amid several legal battles and the exact details are still not known. The only thing to surface was a heavily redacted police report saying that she claimed she was pitching him an idea for a script about triplet sisters who start a plumbing business. The only thing for sure is that the incident marked the end of the Goosebumps series and Stine remains in hiding.
I contacted Amanda Schencter, treasurer of Lovato’s Ashtabula-based fan club. Amanda said a surprising fact is that Demi appeared on Sesame Street for two seasons, playing the role of Ernie. She also said another interesting fact is that Demi is Tony Danza’s second cousin.
February 26, 2010
The Biebs
OK so this dude:
is super famous. His name is Justin Bieber and I have no idea what he does so I decided to write a fake biography about him.
So his name is Justin Heinrich Bieber and he was born in 1983. He looks super young because his parents wanted him to be a star so they gave him tons of botox when he was young. He has an older sister named Berta. She has some sort of weird medical disease where she grows dark wirey hair all over her face and body. The family doesn’t speak of Berta. To date there are no known pictures of Berta.
Anyway, fuck Berta, this post is about The Bieb. So yeah, he has these crazy parents who are convinced they need to be the parents of a star, and since Berta is hairy that means The Biebs. They inject him with all sorts of shit they bought on www.canadiandrugplaceyougetbadthings.net and he stays young looking forever. Then they decide he needs a talent so they give him a trumpet. He sucks at the trumpet so they give him a paintbrush. He impales himself on the paintbrush (he has some strange habits due to side-effects of his medication), so they get him an interesting haircut and a guest spot on iCarly . The very next week he was on the cover of Us Weekly and a candidate for President.
***UPDATE*** Our good friend, guest contributor, noted Bieber historian D. H. Moon, reminded me of a lot of information I was missing in my bio. See below:
I remember the time I sat on the edge of my seat wondering if they could safely get him out of that well! Thanks to the tireless work of the Wichita police department, he is still with us today.
And who can forget the day we heard the news that he had savagely beaten that photographer? We all knew the guy had it coming, you do NOT try to snap the Bieb when he is coming out of an intense four hour yoga session. I have heard that the guy still has trouble walking and can only mumble a few words. Remember how relieved everyone was when you heard the Bieb hired F. Lee Bailey? You just knew it was going to be okay. And it was!
Personally, I lost a bit of my admiration for him when he showed up drunk on the Today Show and threw up on Matt Lauer. I know a lot of people thought it was hilarious, but not me. I wrote to complain. I think that is when he was still dating Missy Elliott. Do you guys think she shot him in the foot, or do you believe the “official story” that he did it himself by accident? I think she did it.
Remember that time he shaved his head into male pattern baldness to raise awareness? And it was like a craze (for women too!) for a few months? That was nuts. I heard that Mario Lopez actually did it first, but the Bieb is the one who spawned everyone else to do it.
He really is one the more fascinating figures of our times.
February 18, 2010
What to say?
There is so little to say and so much time.
Cups and I have been doing nothing lately. We went on vacation and then came home. We also started a diet and I’ve lost 5 lbs. in the last 4 days. I don’t know how the hell that happens but I love it. I feel almost like I’m going to die from having no energy but it will be worth it when I’m even skinnier than Kate Moss.
Maybe I should start smoking too? It always looks so damn cool. Don Draper smokes and he gets so much tang and he is rich and he is hot.
What?
OK. So, yeah. Cuppiecakes and I want to make a new song soon and everything for y’all to listen to but honestly we are just too lazy. I am spending all my time trying to get skinny and Cups is spending all his time trying to make us rich. The dogs are spending all their time shitting on our kitchen rug. Sigh.
